Do you want to know the ugly, brutal truth? I love it when people are impressed by me.
When my children behave well in public, I glow, because now everyone can see “what a good mother I am.” When one of my blog posts makes it on to Ladies Against Feminism, I thrill at the public “acclaim.” When I serve delicious treats at prayer meeting, or sew nice clothes for my family, or do pretty near anything that people pat me on the back for, I’m delighted because I’m “so successful,” and now everyone knows it!
Ahem. Then there are the times I fall on my face, the times when not only is my baby screaming on the airplane, but I’m visibly flustered by it (blush); the times I write, and write, and write, but wonder if anyone’s reading; the times I forget to grease the pan and my “delicious treat” sticks like it was baked with cement; and let’s not forget all the fabulous new clothes that turned out not to fit quite right.
Recently, I had one of “those” days, the humbling kind, when, shall we say, the accolades were not exactly rolling in. The next morning I was still down a few pegs, trying to tell myself that it was really all OK, when my baby woke up. She hadn’t opened her eyes yet, but she was stirring and fussing, so I laid my head down next to hers and started singing a silly song with variations on her name, and she smiled, eyes still closed. I picked her up. She put both little arms around my neck and hugged me tight.
Now this is the part where I tell you that suddenly my disappointments didn’t matter anymore. But alas, I haven’t reached that height of sanctification. I was still being stupid, but at least I realized that I was being stupid.
Why do I care so much what other people think of me when my family is right here loving me? Why do I waste emotional energy worrying about being impressive when God has already provided me with all the warmth, and acceptance, and blessing I could ever need? Why? Because I’m my own idol, and my flesh wants everyone to worship me. Yuck.
It’s disgusting when I say it like that, so barren, and selfish, and evil, and yet, isn’t that really what I’m doing by seeking to be impressive? At it’s core, that’s what worship is, being impressed by something. But like Jesus told Satan in Luke 4:8, “it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve. ”
When we’re hoping people will be impressed with us, aren’t we serving ourselves and usurping, even just in our own hearts, a little bit of the honor that should belong to God alone? And when we do that, we’re not just robbing the Lord, we’re shortchanging ourselves by denying ourselves the joy of doing what we were created to do. We weren’t created for our own glory. We were created for God’s glory.
Isaiah 43:7 Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.
And it’s up to God how he glorifies Himself. I might want to impress people with my great cooking. God might want to glorify Himself by showing people how His children can be joyful even in the face of failure. I might want to impress people with my children’s flawless and “unchildish” behavior. God might want to glorify Himself by showing the world a sweet (and swift!) response to the beginnings of a temper tantrum. I might want to impress others by my radiant health and vibrant beauty. God might want to glorify Himself by giving me the strength to die gracefully of cancer. (And, wow, if you want to see a couple beautiful examples of this, look here and here.) I might want to impress people by having more children than Michelle Duggar. God might want to glorify Himself by making me an example of patience and faith in the face of miscarriage or trouble conceiving. I could go on and on.
The point is, I don’t get to expect to look good to everyone all the time. I don’t get to be impressive. I get to help show the world that God is impressive.
Psalm 34:3 O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.
June 29th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I really appreciate this post. Though I must say, I am at the other end of the spectrum. There was woman in my life that was so determined to impress everyone she met, she had difficulty simply being a good wife & mother. Her energy was in how everyone saw her, not in how she actually was…this was my mother.
So, I learned to disdain the need to impress people with such a lack of care for the opinions of others, sometimes I would deliberately seek to be unimpressive! Even after being saved, I fight this attitude regularly – for the same reason you stated, it was not a glory to Him.
We all have area to grow in – but the same reason to do it.
Thanks for the post – BTW, I read your blog so I hope you keep posting!
June 30th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Beautifully spoken and quite convicting.
July 9th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Amen, sister! I’ve just finished a wonderful book called Idols of the Heart that helps expose our idolatry so we can root out all those deceptive impulses to want to bring acclaim to ourselves or worship anything besides the true God. Really, it’s all about lifting up Christ and bringing glory to our wonderful Creator!
July 10th, 2008 at 12:17 am
I have the same issue! Ugh. May the Lord be glorified through our blunderings, eh?
September 18th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you! The right words at the right time… especially after another month of failed conception ten years trying. I need to stay faithful and patient and give God all the glory.