Recently, after thinking seriously enough about moving to get a Realtor to start showing us houses, we made the decision to stay in our three bedroom, 1,200 square foot home, with a half basement. We thought there’s no good reason a family of five can’t fit in three bedrooms, and we decided to make it work for a few more years, and (Lord willing) a couple more babies. The only thing holding us back was that we had too much stuff.
And thus began the sorting, purging, and reshuffling project that led to an epiphany: we cannot get any more toys. No more trains: my train bin is full. No more Duplos: my Duplo bin is full. No more dress up clothes: my dress up bin is full. No more trucks and tools: my truck and tool bin is full. No more dolls and purses: My doll and purse bin is full. DEFINITELY no more stuffed animals: All THREE stuffed animal bins are full. We do have room for a few more books, but only because we added another book shelf to take care of the books that were stacked on the floor, and if I get too many more books that we own, I won’t have any shelf space for library books, so it’ll be back to the floor for book storage.
The only problem with this is birthdays. The traditional American cake, ice cream, and presents birthday party results in, you guessed it, toys. If you figure three or four presents from the parents, a couple from each set of grandparents, and one from each family that you invite to your party, then you end up with ten to fifteen generously given, warmly received, fun, creative, space-eating toys. And if you have three children, then that’s thirty to forty-five new toys that have to be stored each year. And if you’re hoping to be blessed with two more children before you leave your already crowded, three bedroom, 1,200 square foot home, with a half basement, that number could go as high as seventy-five new toys seeking storage annually. Did I mention that my bins are full?
With our youngest about to turn one in a week and a half, we’re rethinking birthdays and how we celebrate them. For starters, the baby doesn’t need any more toys. She’s just as happy emptying out my kitchen cupboards as she would be playing with the latest and greatest from Fisher Price. But I want her to have a fun birthday. I want the family to have a chance to celebrate her and what a gift she is to us. I want a good picture to paste on the “First Birthday” page in the baby book (right next to the neatly lined space titled, “Guests and the Gifts they Brought”). And, while I’m at it, I want something to write in that neatly lined space. I don’t want our great-grandchildren to remember us as the mean parents whose bins were too full to let their grandmother have any birthday presents.
(Who started this birthday present thing anyway? What a commentary on our materialistic culture that we view birthdays as a chance to acquire. Did I mention that my bins are full?)
My husband had the great idea to do birthday trips instead of presents, giving our children interesting, fun, non-space-hungry experiences that would otherwise be a bit on the pricey side. I’m wondering what our soon-to-be-one-year-old might like to do. I’m also wondering what other people with small houses, full bins, and big hearts for children do for birthdays. Does anybody have any ideas for me?
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:29 pm
My 9 yo dd and some of her friends have had people bring items to donate for b-day parties. Her friend had people bring food for the local food pantry; my dd had people bring dog/cat food and toys for the SPCA. Her guests got to bring something, we didn’t have clutter and something generous happened in the process.
J in VA
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:35 pm
My family and I (6 in total) live in a 2000 sq ft home and we feel the crush of toys! I love your idea about birthday experiences instead of toys and more stuff! I just got a flyer today about our local childrens theater. They will be doing “A Christmas Story” in December and “Willy Wonka” later in the year. This is something I know the kids would LOVE but just the thought of how expensive it will be makes me cringe.
The kids receive money for their b-days, but that is set aside for savings with a small amount for “fun” spending. Maybe if they were to receive these “experience” gifts in the form of a gift card or gift certificate, it would feel more “present” like?
I’m gonna give this idea some more thought…Christmas will be here before we know it!
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:25 pm
hey there! i know that i would request “please no presents- we would love just your presence at our child’s party!” on invites when my kids were younger. also, i did have guests bring stickers for our worldvision child instead of gifts one year. one mom i know had the kids bring things for the birthday boy’s uncle in iraq instead of gifts. you could also suggest year-long family memberships to places as gifts from family members (they could all go in together)- like the zoo, kids museum, botanical garden, aquarium, etc. i know a family who does the birthday trip and also they do one as the christmas gift as well. or at christmas, everyone gets 3 presents as jesus did. or, concentrate on consumable gifts or things to do outdoors- like a seesaw, an outdoor musical instrument “fence” with all kinds of percussion things to hit with drumsticks (bells, windchimes, old drums parts), a neat attachment to the hose for fun outside water play- or art items for outdoors on the driveway or sidewalk. hope this helps!
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:36 pm
My family and in-laws really appreciate being told if there is something the kids need when their birthdays roll around. I’m always sure to let them know if they are outgrowing their clothes or shoes and what sizes they’ll be needing. This helps us out a lot because we are on a tight budget, and the grandmas love picking out sweet dresses for the girls.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:43 pm
I had a good laugh at the ‘full bins’ description…our dress up bin is overflowing! My initial plan to de-clutter happened when I had the epiphany “why do we need 100 crayons? Isn’t 10 crayons enough?”!
Anyway, keeping presents under control has always been about communications with grandparents and friends; strongly suggesting limitations. We also try to stick to memorable trips for birthdays, with lots of pictures for scrapbooking as a craft later on – sitting down and looking over the pictures makes the special day last longer, too.
Good luck!
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:48 am
We have 6 children and we do family birthdays, but not much “friends birthdays”. We rarely give our children toys and the grandparents have stopped doing that as well. Usually they ask the children or me what they need. Sometimes it’s a piece of desperately needed clothing, sometimes it’s a bit of credit for their phone (the older ones), sometimes it’s money to put save for a larger item they need. A trip to the pool or McDonald’s (that’s something we do here only once or twice a year, since it’s very expensive), a special family afternoon or other ideas is what we have done in the past. So, no you don’t have to give your children presents, especially not toys. Give them what they need or have a special outing. Then you can write on those lines what you did and what fun you had!
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:10 am
In the not-so-distant past we lived in a 1400 square foot darling house with 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, and seven children. We did convert part of the basement into a 3rd bedroom and housed all 4 of my sons in there. It was a cozy lovely experience. It gave me the impetus I needed to organize and down-size “stuff”.
On the birthday party ideas…see my birthday post at http://bonavita.wordpress.com/2008/05/15/much-ado-about-something/.
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
On thing that my family does is a homemade party. All the gifts are homemade. This could be a guests favorite dish with the recipe inclosed, or a small baby blanket for the child’s doll. You could also ask that each guest bring school supplies for gift bags and donate them to needy children. If you want more ideas just give me a call. This is just a drop in the bucket.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Wow! A big thank you to everyone for all these great ideas. I’m thoroughly enjoying hearing all the creative approaches people have taken, and I’m feeling very excited about making birthdays memorable without being materialistic. You ladies are awesome.
July 6th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I forget how hard it is at that age… once kids get a little older, it’s easier to have more useful presents. We always got whatever clothes or shoes we needed, and now it’s so much more about our hobbies. Steve gets new sheet music, I’ve gotten magazine subscriptions or scrapbooking supplies. Arts and craft materials, etc. There’s always the ever popular “lunch date with Mom or Dad”—a special time to go out just the two of you. That was always exciting and fun when I was little… again, obviously that doesn’t work very well with an infant or a three yr old, but it’s just what came to mind. Good luck!
July 6th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
I love having my kids give to a favorite missionary or mission project for me, but I’m not sure how little ones would feel about having their potential presents given to someone else unless you have an ongoing ministry of supporting a child or orphanage in another country. We always give what the kids need as the bulk of their gifts…including clothing and school supplies.
July 9th, 2008 at 11:24 am
When I was growing up we gave lots of gifts…it was a big part of how we showed were thinking of the other person at Christmas or a birthday. However, we unintentionally gave a lot of gifts that didn’t keep filling the bins fuller. We would often secretly “kidnap” a well loved doll of a given sister before her birthday or Christmas and scrub her up, patch her clothes, re-braid her hair and give her a little birthday sign to hold. Then she’d be all wrapped up like a new gift. We also gave people things that got used up and/or wouldn’t be considered gift material by most families. For instance, we often give favorite foods to birthday people, a can of black olives, a ripe pineapple, a can of anchovies or something small that gets used up eventually….chapstick, a pretty pencil, cool band-aids, or some sparklers. I guess, I think the idea of a gift is a really good thing and not essentially materialistic, so I’m all for opening up the definition to mean any concrete physical thing you can wrap up in paper and give to someone that shows that you’ve been thinking of them and you love them.
July 9th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I love these kind of posts.. Hopefully, I’m not too late! Sorry, we’ve been out of town.
We had four kids in 5.5 years. We had a TON of toys also. But, guess what? We used them. What are the options when its Me, myself, and the Lord as their only babysitters? This may be a time when you WANT to have more toys in your life. This is not to say that you shouldn’t get rid of SOME things. Get organized with what you have left. Oh, and don’t fight the birthday thing. It’s just some people’s LOVE LANGUAGE to give gifts (obviously not mine). It’s like telling the grandparents they aren’t allowed to LOVE the child if they can’t give gifts. You can add more bins for the “toys in transition” (new gifts) while you decide whether or not they are keepers. Some people are SO offended that it isn’t worth going the extra mile to announce you are not “doing birthdays”.. they’ll just assume you’ve joined a cult and redouble their efforts to “SAVE” your children from such nonsense. UGH. You could cut out birthday parties, though. As much as I hate clutter, there are too many social implications to go nuts on this one.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:52 am
O.M., Very good advice! Thanks for the reminder about considering the “givers” as well as the space in my basement. And I know that if someone as organized as YOU could say that, I’d better listen!
July 10th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Ha! Now really, you haven’t seen my dungeon!! Stock in rubbermaid is good option, since you’ll need 8 million boxes. Rotate them around from the garage or basement or wherever there is room. Soon enough, they’ll all want cash and IPODS for birthdays! Then you’ll say, “Where are the choo choo trains?” HA!