It’s easy to forget why I’m homeschooling sometimes, especially when I meet another homeschooling mother at McDonald’s Playplace who tells me her two-year-old is starting to read short words, or I listen to a friend talk about how she’s starting her twelve-year-old on calculus, or even when I think of my cousins who were working on graduate degrees when most kids their age were finishing high school. And then there’s hearing about everyone else’s curriculum choices and how well they’re working, followed by the agony of wondering whether I made the right ones after all. Next thing I know my prideful insecurities are knocking at my door with a goody basket full of useless questions. Are my children sufficiently ahead of their peers? Are they going to win the National Spelling Bee or publish any novels before they can drive? Do they look genius enough that everyone will think I’m doing a great job??? It’s easy to think that I’m homeschooling because I want to enter my children in “The Smartest Kid on the Block” contest (or to be perfectly honest, “The Smartest Kid in the Western World” contest).
Homeschooling really does create an educational environment where children can succeed in some pretty stellar ways, and while, obviously, the chance for our children to be all they were created to be academically is one we want to take full advantage of, we can easily get a complex looking at other people’s brilliant type children and think that there’s something wrong with us and our children.
But my husband and I didn’t choose homeschooling because we wanted our children to be smarter than everyone else’s. We chose homeschooling because we wanted our children to be home with us, learning our values, walking alongside us, building relationships with us and with their brothers and sisters. We wanted to teach them. We wanted to lead them. After all, we’re the ones that God will hold accountable. On judgment day, the old “failing schools” excuse isn’t really going to cut it if we’ve squandered our children’s training years.
We need to help our children reach their full potential, learning all they can, and bringing their talents to full maturity, but not everyone’s child is going to be ready for college level work at thirteen. And that’s not the measure of our success anyway.
A friend of mine recently shared with me the very wise words of her mother, who had homeschooled her children: “If I had it to do over again, I would have told people, ‘I’m not homeschooling for the education. I’m homeschooling because I have a vision for family that the public schools cannot fulfill.’”
We have to have vision for our families, a vision for our children’s character development, a vision for godliness in their hearts and actions. And fulfilling that vision is why we’re keeping our children with us. There are things they’ll need to know to get along in life, so while they’re here with us, we’re working hard at mastering those things. But we ought to be working on them solely so that our children can live the lives God has for them, NOT so that we can show off to everyone that our kids have a better education than your kids, or Jane’s kids, or Rhonda’s kids, or anyone else’s. Knowledge is just a life tool. Godliness is life’s goal.
One of my favorite articles on parenting is Dr. S. M. Davis’s Changing the Heart of the Rebel. That piece has some very excellent things to say about homeschooling:
But we also need to be careful that we don’t elevate knowledge to a pinnacle that even the Bible doesn’t give it. FAITH #1, VIRTUE #2, KNOWLEDGE #3 2 Peter 1:5 gives God’s order in this area; “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith, virtue, and to virtue knowledge.” God was not guessing when He gave that order. The top priority is faith – a person’s relationship with God. The very next priority is virtue, which is character or moral excellence. After “virtue” is “Knowledge”. In other words, God sees virtue and character as being more important than knowledge….
…I would rather have a child who cannot read and write his own name than to have a child who becomes a doctor and doesn’t have the wisdom to not kill babies! Better a little knowledge with a lot of wisdom than a little wisdom with a lot of knowledge….
…There may be a time when you have to choose between wisdom and knowledge. If you have to choose, choose attentiveness over algebra, generosity over geography, forgiveness over foreign language, compassion over chemistry, truthfulness over trigonometry, humility over the humanities, self-control over sociology and obedience over opthamology.
If we can produce godly children who are truly wise, full of faith and virtue, and also happen to start college at 12 or win the National Spelling Bee, fine. But if we ever feel like we have to choose, we need to choose our children’s godliness over wowing everyone with their academic success. Don’t get me wrong, education is a very important thing. It’s just not the most important thing. And having your children be better educated than everyone else’s children isn’t an important thing at all. It’s just a pride thing. It’s perfectly fine to smile sweetly at the mother of the preteen calculus student and tell her without any embarrassment that your twelve-year-old is just starting pre-algebra.
Thus saith the LORD, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the LORD –Jeremiah 9:23-24 (emphasis mine).
November 17th, 2008 at 1:55 am
Oh my dear, dear sweet Mrs. P! I wish I had been able to articulate the argument as you have when I was at that stage of the game.
There’s nothing quite as offensive is the big pride feather that poked out my “rear”?? as I contemplated being able to “brag” about my smart kids, even before I had taught them anything! (gasp!)
I will say this. Our kids are “incredibly average” in just about everything. I’ve even thought about writing a book about how “average” we are, but it would be so boring and unimpressive that no one would really want to read it. The hard thing to admit is that whether or not I’ve had overly academic visions (at times) or overly spiritual visions (at other times), both have in their own ways have simultaneously succeeded and failed in what I had originally thought.
It’s hard to explain. We all have visions for our children. If we didn’t we’d be deadbeats, you know. It’s that big goal out there that sort of keeps us going. But it’s really odd when God tells us our surmising of the situation is either a) too high or b) too low. Too high? I was an extrovert in high school. I expected all of my kids would bloom earlier than they are doing.. I expected they would be more outward about sharing the Gospel and meeting new people.
Too low? Their standards of personal holiness are higher than I could have expected. Academically? I was just hoping they would be either: on grade level or a year behind OR below. I specifically did not want our kids in college early. I know others who have done it successfully, but it was not going to work for our family. Non-drivers do not have permission to go to college in our family. Sorry. If you are that bright, read a book on the topic.
Music. I have no musical ability whatsoever. I am always amazed how the kids have picked up playing instruments and such. Computers and electronics: I still don’t know how to put in a DVD. They do everything.
Life skills: When are they EVER going to learn to multi-task?? or make a meal?? or clean up the kitchen properly?? And IF my daughter is going to be a wife and mother some day, when is she going to clean up her room??
So, I think all parents struggle with this. The struggle is good. The results keep us humble because we can ONLY thank the Lord for any results we see.
Blessings.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Awesome article! I totally am with you. I’m printing out some of this for clipping and taping to my kitchen cupboards for inspiration.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Once again. . . well said. It’s sometimes difficult, but oh so important, to keep everything in perspective as we homeschool our children. It’s actually helped me to not be too involved with other homeschoolers so that I could plow ahead with our family’s goals and values without being overly influenced or guilt ridden by theirs.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:35 am
It’s funny the different things that homeschooler’s feel inadequate about when comparing our children to other homeschoolers and public students. Recently I was pushing Duck to learn skipping – it just occurred to me that she NEEDED to accomplish this skill and that she was missing out on something that other girls know by her age. After a few ‘lessons’ she looked up at me and said “how is this going to matter in my life?”
Student bypasses teacher, very humbling. Great post.
November 19th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Thank you for this blog. It helps me feel like I am not so nutty after all. Many of the points expressed, I have experienced.
My children are quite average as well. And they sin just like the kids that go to the public schools. Sometimes they excel in a very unexpected way. My biggest concern has always been in the Spiritual area.
One of my heartaches is the odd uncomfortable feeling that comes about sometimes when we meet new Christians that have not homeschooled. There are different responses, but sometimes it seems, we are looked as the type that may think we are better than they are. In time, they may find out, we are not like that. But, sometimes, that first impression doesn’t shake off. Still, even though, I am not looking to judge fellow Christians for not homeschooling. And even though, my kids are not as holy as I would have liked them to be sometimes… I still cannot bring myself to put them into the public schools.
I don’t have the words to explain it all as well as I would like. You ladies have written your thoughts well. Thank you for sharing.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Thank you so much for this post. This is just what I needed to keep me grounded.
November 20th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Amen! Great post!
November 22nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
This is great. I especially liked your scipture reference. My family (we homeschool also) has recently been going through the “valley of humiliation”. I just posted a blog about it…that even IF Mr. Santos was the owner of a giant corporation, we lived in a large fancy home, and (our kids were geniuses)…our boasting would still be (must be)the same as it is in our humble state – we boast in The Living God. Thank you for your post.