I was working on my EC update when I realized something. It’s hard to write a post convincing everyone about how great potty training your baby is when I’ve failed to read my baby’s signals right every time she had to go for the entire day (except for once in the morning). At least, it’s hard to write about it in any sort of an authentic way. Actually, EC was going really well, and if I recover from this bad day, I may even work up the gumption to pedantically tell all of you how you, too, can be as cool as I am. (After all, I have a nearly finished draft.)
But for now, let’s just think for a minute about gimicky parenting schemes and the Mommy Warriors who like to evangelize about them. “Oh, yes, we’re following Dr. Rev. Godly Wiseguy’s parenting book, How to Have Better Kids Than All Your Friends, And Please God, Too. And little Rupert hasn’t once wet his bed, or sassed his Mommy, or turned up his nose at collard greens since we implemented the Seven Principles. He sleeps through the night, picks up his toys without being asked, and has led twelve neighborhood children in the Sinner’s Prayer. What’s that? You’ve never heard of the book? Here, let me loan you the copy I always keep in my purse…”
It’s really great when you find something that works for your family, really great, lifesaving even, depending on the problem you were trying to solve. And out here, surfing the vast waves of the Internet, it’s easy to run into people who have the answer, who will tell you all the marvelous ways this or that book or method has transformed their lives, their children’s lives, and the lives of their goldfish. But we all need to keep in mind that despite the life changing qualities of many a parenting trick, they will all fail in one area. They will not be able to take away our humanity, fallen and fallible. Even the best parents using the best ideas (and potty training your baby, my friends, is pretty snifty when it works), will still have bad days, days when nothing goes right, days when they fail to implement even three of the Seven Principles. We all have bad days. I, you, and everyone else. And if we’re really committed to the gimmicky scheme of the month, we may feel like bad mothers.
Let’s not forget that we are humans raising humans. Our homes are assailed by sin, hormones, sickness, tiredness, and just plain old human failure. And the real measure of our mothering metal is not how many brilliant principles we manage to implement, but how we care for our children on the days we fail.
I have a library full of lifechanging books, but there’s only one I always keep in my purse, and that’s the Bible. It’s the only parenting scheme that will ever be able to help my frail humanity and that of my children. Here’s a little quote that’s just right for the bad days.
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth. For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more. But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children; To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them. –Psalm 103:13-18
June 17th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Thanks for this, Mrs. P. There are so few days that go by when I don’t feel like I have failed my kids in some way (actually, the number is probably closer to zero) and I feel so awful about it. I also read WAY WAY WAY too many books and can sometimes get really confused about what I should be doing as a mother. As a result, I have been doing a study of Proverbs in hopes of gleaning some wisdom from the perfect Parent and that’s been helping lots.
June 17th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Lovely! This blog is a breath of fresh air in the know-it-all-world of blogsphere. And I’m guilty too for my enthusiam at times.
June 17th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Oh, I’m all about getting those goldfish in line. Woo wweee. You are a hoot. I think I had never given birth to my third child, I might be arrogant enough to hand out parenting books, advice or even hints. As it is, I am doing chin ups on the curb whenever I think of my strange parenting methods. I tried so hard to do everything right, but life is so not perfect. Lord, save my children and make them godly, in spite of me!
June 17th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Big cheers for being human! I’m glad you have something to talk about besides being perfect – that would give us nothing in common. Except if we’re talking about being the perfect fool, perfect sinner, perfect example of repeated failures, etc. Man…now I need a pep talk. I better read the post again ;o)
June 18th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Thanks so much for this post! It’s easy to fall into the trap of “So-and-so’s kids seems so good! What am I dong wrong?”. We all have off-days. It’s just a matter of whether or not we admit it!:) And Amen for pointing to the best Book of all!
June 18th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
You have me laughing, I had to read part of your post to Caleb. Goodness, I had things way more figured out about the parenting thing before I became a parent! My one baby wants to eat every 20 minutes, while my other would rather go the whole day without touching any food!
There are so many theories about discipline and such, and of course I have oppinions like anyone else. But I have to say you just make it all seem less scary.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
This is such a good reminder for all of us. But just as much as we need to remember that no matter what method we use we’ll have THOSE days occasionally, we also need to remember that about others. It is so easy to place another family, who seems to have it all together, up on a pedestal and assume that the parents have it all worked out. They may have wonderful ideas, that work in general, but as you have pointed out so well – we are all human. I know people have praised me for years, commenting on how patient I was, and that this must be why my children are so well behaved (okay – 1st they usually only see them in public, in which case the children are under threat of severe penalty if they misbehave), but I have always insisted just the opposite. I had a dear friend once who told me I should use the opportunity to let others know that it’s not in my own strength, but with God’s help that I can be patient, but I must admit, that while her suggestion sounded really great I felt in my heart it was a lie – because I’m not at all patient. As I have told everyone for years (and now my lovely girls confirm this by laughing when someone suggests I’m patient) my children behave (reasonably) well more because I’m impatient and intolerant of misbehavior than because I’m patient and understanding. While I would love to be the kind of mom everyone else apparently thinks I am, I’m not, and I don’t want anyone else thinking I’m just wonderful and that they’ll never be able to to accomplish in their own homes what we have managed in ours. Yes, it takes hard work and lots of prayer, no matter what method you use, but I have never met anyone who doesn’t have struggles when raising their children – that’s how most “methods” are discovered – someone hit upon something that worked for a problem they had, or wanted to avoid.
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Well said, and well said Rebecca! I am certain there is no-one who really gets their apples all in a row – but we share the shining bits with others in hope it might help them!
With EC, I think that is part of the reason it isn’t common – all those dreadful articles saying “My baby never wet his pants past 6 weeks” Puleeeease! Sensationalism for headlines plays a part of course – I’ve given EC interviews going on and on about misses being normal, blah blah, part-time, diaper back-up – only to see it edited to something atrocious!
Some people do catch practically all poos – but NEVER all wees – you’d go nuts trying! And there is no need…
Charndra
June 25th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Preach it sister
August 31st, 2009 at 10:15 pm
The Bible should be the first book we look to for advice on any topic- it’s all in there! Great post!
September 1st, 2009 at 12:19 am
Great post – very well said! I am pregnant with my first baby and already I am inundated with (well meaning) people recommending (at times rather pushily) this or that parenting or birthing plan. Apparently it doesn’t end once the baby is out LOL! I hope your toilet training adventures have gone well since you posted this – I found your blog through Conversion Diary.
Sarah