Comments on: Preparing our Daughters to be IMmodest

By: Annonymous

Annonymous — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:29:03 +0000

I just read this post and I cried so hard. I’ve been reading your blog a bit here and there and, up until this moment, I have felt so alone with regards to this subject. I came from a broken home, and my father wouldn’t talk about sex at all, and my mother had several boyfriends over the course of my pre-teen and teen years, which exposed me to so much I shouldn’t have been.

Thank you for articulating a topic that the church has been so reluctant to discuss (or is too free to discuss) with such honesty.

Thanks.
Annonymous

By: Pickles736

Pickles736 — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:18:10 +0000

You bring up some superb points! How wonderful that you’re thinking of ways to portray sex from God’s viewpoint. If more parents did this, our society would be better for it. I think this is one of the sweetest gifts you can give your daughters. It will bless their future marriages immeasurably. You show lots of insight.

As for explaining scanty items coming out of the dryer, I’m with Sara Weaver in thinking some items are just best not seen by the children. Obviously, there are some things that are best left within the privacy of the marriage relationship. That said, the writer’s goal to instill a godly view of sex in her daughter’s minds is beautiful.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 12:32:21 +0000

My mother saw your blog and referred me here. Thank you so much for posting this topic. We have a dd who is adopted and came to us very oversexed because of her birth home experiences. She saw way to much up close and personal.
Anyhoo, it has taken several years to bring her around to modesty but I don’t want her to be a prude either. Thank you for helping me think about the natural and godly side of sex.
Blessings,
Dawn

By: theresa

theresa — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 05:53:17 +0000

Just a terminological note — immodesty isn’t really the word for the display and sharing of the body that’s appropriate in marriage, just as we don’t call spouses’ properly ordered desire for one another \lust.\

One definition of immodesty found at http://www.answers.com/modesty is \lack of vanity or self-importance.\ Obviously, we’re not trying to please our husbands out of vanity or self-importance. In his Modern Catholic Dictionary which is searchable online at http://www.therealpresence.org/dictionary/mdict.htm, the late Fr. John Hardon gave a good Christian definition of modesty \in dress and bodily adornments\ as a virtue that \inclines a person to avoid not only whatever is offensive to others but whatever is not necessary [and] directs a person to observe proper decorum in bodily movements, according to the dictum of St. Augustine, ‘In all your movements let nothing be evident that would offend the eyes of another.’\

So modesty, along with chastity, simply calls for different behavior with one’s spouse than with others. It’s marital modesty, not appropriate immodesty.

By: kris

kris — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:06:05 +0000

Thanks so much for some down to earth, common sense information. I have been reading quite a bit about modesty, and have been making changes in my wardrobe and that of my four year old. It is quite a process to lose the ways of the world and SEE what is wrong vs right, in dress, thought process, worship etc…
This article in particular was awesome as it is not so far off the mark for me (finally something that i don’t have to change my whole thought process on!!) YEAH!!!

By: Chosen

Chosen — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 13:54:24 +0000

Thank you for these thoughts Mrs. P. As a high school teacher, and now a mom of a baby girl, I can see the need for teaching Christian girls “marriage immodesty.” I agree whole-heartedly with your post.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 05:01:54 +0000

Well, I have so many daughters I felt I could weigh in here. We have certainly not made it “all the way to the end” yet, but the older ones are 19 and just about to turn 17, so we’re getting close. We were fairly open about the whole thing with them. To begin with, my husband and I are affectionate with one another in the childrens’ company. Of course at first that would bring a lot of Ewww’s from younger children (the teenagers still do it occasionally) but we always had a positive attitude about it. We’ve always talked to them about purity and modesty, and that intimacy should be limited to the marriage bed, but we never hid the fact that it could be enjoyable. Once the girls got a little older my husband and I would tease them if they started complaining about our PDA’s as they called our kissing or hugging (of course my husband had to tell me that it stood for public display of affection – I didn’t get out much then). We turned the acronym around on them and told them that they should be thankful for a different kind of PDA. When they asked what we told them they would not be here were it not for a Private Display of Affection. After a couple of eww’s they began being a little more careful about throwing around that acronym. Apparently they are not really grossed out by all of it because when one of the girls was folding laundry the other day she ran across a little item of mine and told me that she would leave that for me to fold. The (almost)17yr said, “Oh, don’t worry about it. She(meaning me) probably didn’t wear it very long.” I have to admit the 12yr old still said “GROSSSSS!!!”, but the teenagers laughed.

By: Sara Weaver

Sara Weaver — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:23:58 +0000

I love reading your posts. My oldest is a girl and then I have 3 (soon to be 4) boys. To me, modesty starts with purity and not just physical, but purity of heart and mind. Whether male or female. I want to raise my children to be pure of heart, and train them about dress and thoughts and what their little eyes should look upon. I do not want to be the one putting sexual things in their minds. Sometimes I think parents do a great job sheltering their kids from outside influences and then overeducate in their own homes thinking if they talk to their kids about the right place for immodesty then they will make the right choices later on and not be scarred in their own relationships.
We need to be careful that we are not the ones placing the impure thoughts in their minds or hearts. It is a fine line, I know. My daughter is ten and we have already discussed the process her body has already begun because of God preparing her to be a mommy. At this age I do not discuss with her that her breast or hips are going to be pleasing to her husband, but rather at her level, I discuss that God is preparing her to be a mother. It is not the right time for her to know about the relationship between a husband and wife. That answer will change as she ages, but my teaching her about how God wants modesty doesn’t have to mean she will struggle with intimacy in her own marrige.
I was overeducated through my parents, public school, my church, and not to mention my society, but I still was uncomfortable with being naked in front of my husband, I think it is natural and God works things out. We are expecting our 5th child so I think we have worked out some “kinks” and I hope that part of our relationship only grows. I don’t think you are making a black and white statement by saying modesty leads to relationship struggles, but my thought is if it is supposed to be between them and their spouse, why would we include our children in our own intimate relationship with our spouse by discussing with them what their mom and dad do. I am also taking things one step at a time, being careful not to be the one taking away their purity, but also not handicapping them in their own future marriage.
One of the neatest things to me is that I was able to figure things out with my husband and if we are raising our sons and our daughters to be pure, then I can only hope that on their wedding night, it is not any outside voice in their heads, but only them and their spouse, figuring it out together as God intends.
Just a thought.

By: Organizing MOmmy

Organizing MOmmy — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 00:27:12 +0000

O.K. I think I would roll over laughing if I heard you telling your sweet five year old daughter, “this is my immodest thing that I wear for daddy” Although, it is true. I think because we have mainly boys and one quiet daughter, they would all DIE if I were so blunt about the subject. Although, we’ve never indicated that sex was dirty or icky–just there. Kids are smart. Actually.. a lot smarter than us. I’m sure they know where the “fun” is for mom and dad. LOL.

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:43:57 +0000

All I can say is, “Wow!”

I’ve been a silent reader for a while as well and figured I would De-lurk today.

Yahweh has certainly blessed you with a talent for expressing topics graciously and eloquently. I am blessed by every post!

In Him,
Kim