Recently, I received a couple of very thought provoking comments wondering about the prudence of sending our daughters to college. I think about this a lot off and on, but I have not come to solid enough conclusions that I’m ready to write “the answer.” So, I thought I’d pass the comments off to all of you to see how you would answer. (I’ve edited them slightly for clarity. You can find the originals in the comment thread on this post.)
I am wondering what your thoughts are on your college experience. If I remember correctly, you went to college (a pretty good one in fact) — do you think that was a waste of your time/money/effort? And, are you planning on encouraging your daughters to go to college? The practical side of me thinks that it’s a waste to send women to college who make the choice to be housewives/stay-at-home mothers. The other side of me knows that college has shaped me profoundly and I would be a different person without it (for more than simply academics). Would you encourage your daughter(s) to go to, say, community college, and send your son(s) to Ivy League schools? This is something I’ve been thinking about recently as I think about how I want to shape and teach my children.
Sometimes, I can’t help but think that my college education was a waste, or at least that I could have gone to a less expensive university and gotten a similar education for a lot less cost. I want my daughter (and son) to get the best education they can, I want them to have the full college experience, but do I want my daughter to then become a stay-at-home wife/mother? And if so, will I be the one paying for her education? Should she take out loans and let her husband foot the bill after they get married? I am confused about this.
So, what do y’all think? How would you answer these questions? (As always, remember that my standard for niceness in comments goes way, way up when I pose questions that originally came from other people. Not that I think any of my regular commenters will have any trouble being gracious, though!)
July 20th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
I think that the question, as it is currently framed, is the wrong question. What if your daughter is called to singleness? What if your son is equipped and called to a career that would not be directly enriched by a college degree? These are questions that we don’t have the answer to – but we know who does. Instead of asking about sons vs. daughters, we should seek the Lord’s will for the individual lives and attentively listen for His direction with a heart to obey. We risk dictating too many details to God if we are telling Him He must work towards the end of our sons being breadwinning fathers and our daughters being homemakers. What if your son or daughter is called to full-time ministry and never marries? Or if God doesn’t bring a spouse until they are 35? Or if they are barren and called to work side-by-side in a field? We need to teach our children to seek God’s guidance for each and every step of their lives rather than planting in them the American Dream and instructing them to have God work within the parameters. If they are ready to obey His call no matter what it is, then they will be ready to be Godly husbands, wives, and parents too.
July 20th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Am I really the first to respond? I have one teenage daughter, who seems fairly grounded–not just in the Lord, but it life in general. Since she is a young adult and not a child, we have been discussing these things with her, trying to stay open to the Lord’s leading for her, since it’s not as cut and dry as with our sons (i.e. get a job, boys!) I had always thought that she would get a degree in education (like mommy, of course!) and homeschool her kids (like mommy, of course!). I was slightly taken aback when she told me that she has always wanted to be… a … secretary! Now, that may change, but it opened my eyes as to how God was leading her. She also made it VERY clear that she did not want to leave home until she was married. You know, a wave of peace washed over me that minute, and I was all putty. You know, it relieved me. If I had insisted that she stay home and do these tasks or not do these other things, I can’t imagine either of us having peace about it. Don’t you think it is odd to make such a big decision for someone who is practically an adult? It should be an item for prayer and something you discover together. So, no, I do not think you should decide for your daughter–especially when she’s in diapers–what she will or will not do some day–if she should go to an Ivy League school or sign up to be a nanny, or something in the middle. Can you see how this will cause rebellion and frustration if you make a law about it?
July 21st, 2009 at 12:07 am
I’m currently enrolled in college and will be entering into my senior year in the Fall. I have absolutely no plans to enter in to a career once I’ve graduated. My plans at this point are to get married after graduation and be a stay at home wife/mother. As of now, I am working to start my own home business (which has nothing to do with my major or education), so that I can help provide a modest source of income while I am staying at home.
With all this said, I do a lot of thinking about this topic! Have I wasted my time? I feel very torn because I feel that my time at college has GREATLY shaped the person I am and my desire to be a stay at home wife and mother. If I had not gone to college, I would not have the vision I have now for following the Lord in this way. At the same time, I think that my case is probably the exception, and even though I did go to a Christian University, it is not a place that produces women who are home-minded. I have encountered blatant feminism in the classroom, and also utter blasphemy of God’s Word prompted by women very intent on NOT staying home or even having children.
I think that most girls going to my school would end up being farther away from ever considering staying home after graduation, and that if they did so, they would be more likely to be unhappy because they have gained so much “knowledge and talent” that it would be a “shame to waste.” At the same time, this was not my case.
These last two years have been a wirlwind of work, work, work (I’m graduating in three years instead of four and I have a 3.9 GPA) that left me asking if this was really how I wanted to spend my whole life, draining myself for achievement and the “glory” of success.
For me, college turned me towards home.
For others, I’m not so sure that it would.
I certainly have made up my mind that I will not encourage my daughters to go to college, but will urge them to work part time and save until they’re married (it’s incredible, but my friends who didn’t go to college but kept their high school jobs and saved are in better positions than my friends who went to college and now have 80,000 dollars of debt and can only get a minimum wage job, if that).
I don’t really have the answer to this question, but this has been my experience thus far.
July 21st, 2009 at 8:11 am
I hesitate to call any sort of education a waste. I had a wonderful college experience that did prepare me for a career; but I also had the opportunity to study literature, sociology, philosophy, psychology, art history, and foreign languages. It is true that these were subjects I could have pursued on my own, but I feel I learned more from my professors than I would have learned on my own. I was fortunate to receive a partial scholarship and my parents graciously paid for the rest of my education so I wasn’t burdened with having to work and study. Now I have a Bachelors and a Masters degree and I am hoping to return home in the next few years. Was my college education a waste of time, money, and effort? To some in the secular world it might be, especially if I stay at home and “waste my degree”. To me, it was a time of great experience and great learning, which I’ve found doesn’t stop when you get a diploma.
July 21st, 2009 at 9:20 am
I graduate from my college in December. For me, higher education has become so much more than academic. I’ve been able to get involved in some really dynamic, life changing ministry that simply isn’t possible outside of the live-on-campus university environment. Yes, I’m studying to get a degree that will be “wasted” once I return home at the end of the year, but God has used this time in so many dramatic ways to shape my faith and personality — and meet a strong Christian man who has the resources to allow me to stay home.
So in direct response to the questions: I would encourage higher education, even if the long-term “career” for your daughter is to be a homemaker. Education opens your mind to so much more, and evangelism is easier on a college campus than in many other places, simply because so many questioning young people are together.
Obviously, the decision must be made prayerfully — college is CERTAINLY not for everyone. I knew both men and women who would have been better off anyplace other than in a university classroom. I also don’t believe in going into debt over it (at least, not much). If college is what God has planned for someone’s life, He wil make a way (scholarships, grants, work-study, etc). But, there are many positive opportunities at college for men and women, so it shouldn’t be excluded without great prayer as well.
July 21st, 2009 at 9:30 am
Who among us has a crystal ball? How do we know that our present plan to be dedicated to a career or being a stay-at-home parent will actually be how our life plays out? I believe that every person should be challenged and motivated to follow their dreams and be prepared to transition when life experiences ask for flexibility. I graduated from a 4-year University with a math degree, worked full time for a couple of years, stayed home with children for about 10 years, went back to school for a master’s degree, and now work full time teaching at the University. I would not have guessed that this would have been the pattern of my life, but my options were open and it has worked well for me. I also cannot begin to describe all that I learned from my college experiences both in and out of the classroom–my personality and ideals were greatly influenced by them!
July 21st, 2009 at 11:01 am
As the above commenter noted, education is not a waste. There is no way to know what the future will bring for a daughter and it is wise to prepare for the possibility that she may have to provide for herself either because of singleness or widowhood. Despite the concern over the outdating of a degree for women who earn one and then marry without pursuing a career, it is always better to have one in the first place and far less expensive to take a few classes to update it later. For example, I was born six weeks after my mom graduated with her teaching degree. When it became necessary for her to use it twenty-five years later, all she had to do was take two classes to update her credential and be ready to work. It was far better for our family for her to have been fully educated and then able to provide for us without either having to take a minimum wage job or spending the time and money to pursue a degree at that time.
There is also a significant level of broadening and enrichment that comes from a higher level of exposure to concepts and the sort of refinement in thinking that is much more common in a college setting than in high school. I have also found that the ability to search out and assimilate new information and ideas is another gain. My mom’s gifts as a teacher and mine as a scientist, expanded by higher education and combined with the excellent training given at home, have only made us better homemakers and mothers. It bothers me to see a distinction made between educating daughters and sons. A well educated wife can only be an asset to a well educated man.
That said, a child (boy or girl) who has no desire to go to college and is able to provide for himself adequately without it need not be forced to go. There is also a great deal to be said for going to school while living at home, either by starting at community college or for the entire four years. Scholarships and grants ease the financial burden considerably and there is also the option of working part-time to help defray the cost along the way.
The bottom line, however, is to be clear about following God’s call for that particular child.
July 21st, 2009 at 5:24 pm
You know, in non-western cultures our girls would be marring at 14 or 15 years old. They would be considered adults. Jesus mother was probably only in her mid-teens, too. This whole idea that “adulthood” starts sometime after college is not from God’s Word or His nature.
All that to say, I am leaving it up to my children whether they go to college or not. An eighteen year old is old enough to make these decisions for himself. My seventeen year old daughter has chosen to not go to college. Her choice. Her education will continue all her life, as mine has.
I chose not to go to college. Oh, I have taken a few classes, (such as art and nutrition) but I don’t have a degree. I don’t regret it one bit. College would have clouded my brain too much for me to hear God’s will. It would have made me feel even more guilty for not “having a job” what with the cost and time devoted to a degree. and it would have taken up valuble time studying what I was told to by men instead of what God led me to study. I learned a great deal in my early twenties just following God’s leading, and this method continues today.
For my family, college will be an individual choice ultimately left to the child. Only they will know God’s will for them.
July 21st, 2009 at 8:27 pm
My first comment will be about college education in general. Colleges (for the most part) are not exactly the sort of places you receive quality Christian fellowship and encouragement, so I think that if a Christian is truly interested in a college education that you must proceed prudently and with a great deal of prayer. I would suggest reading some of Voddie Baucham’s blog posts on this subject. He gives a great alternative to getting a degree without attending a traditional college. He wrote about it maybe a couple of months ago.?. He touches on the financial aspect of this too, which is important since as Christians we really aren’t to be borrowers and most college educations are too expensive to pay for outright.
Now, as for what we should do for our girls (a major thing for us since that’s all we have). We do not have to look very far to see exactly what our first priority is. Titus 2 tells us that the aged women are to teach the younger women to be keepers at home and teach them how to love their husbands and children. Now, I’m not simple minded. I know that all of our daughters will not end up married with a house full of children, but we do not know up front which ones will be, and we must stick to God’s word first and foremost. Some may be called to singleness, but even then the bible can be a guide, and there should be a lot of prayer.
All that being said, we have told our children that it would be good for them to have some sort of training that they could use if for any reason they had to earn money for a time. I have encouraged them to look into things that they could do from their home. Our oldest is debating entering cosmetology school (a good friend of mine earns extra money cutting hair in her own home) and our 2nd oldest has already looked into training in photography. I have also encouraged them to take courses in business math, typing and such (you never know if one of them might marry someone with his own business and they could be a tremendous help).
To be honest I have heard a great many arguments on both sides of this issue and my mind always returns to just a few things: 1)Most people do not end up working in fields that have anything to do with the one they spent all that time and money learning about. 2) I’ve known incredibly sucessful people who have had nothing more than a few courses at a community college. 3) We should hold up biblical standards (about whom we spend our time with, what we spend our money on, whether or not to go into debt [not], etc.) when we are faced with ANY decision. The bible is not nearly as silent on subjects as people sometimes think it is.
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:53 am
I heartily agree with Rebecca’s post. I think that, as Christians, we should consider very seriously the influence a traditional 4-year boarding college can have on our children. I can attest that being away from my parents and being surrounded by modern, liberal 18 year olds was not good for me. My husband and I often talk about how to prepare our children to shoulder the responsibilities of adulthood, be it as breadwinners or as home-keepers. I don’t think the 4-year college is by any means necessary in this day and age. There are community colleges, online courses, internships. I’ve even heard of students apprenticing themselves for no recompense other than knowledge gained in a field. Whatever path our daughters choose, it ought to be one in which their father can still fulfill his role as their head and protector.
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Hi, I’m a first-time poster, but I’ve so enjoyed following your blog this past few months. This is a question that has been burning in my mind lately. Especially since I now have 3 girls in addition to my firstborn son. I can barely think of my college years with out waves of remorse, regret, and disgust. I tell myself and others that if I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t go to college. But not only is that not an option, I think maybe that’s not entirely true. I don’t know where I got all the liberal feminist attitudes and motivations, but I felt compelled to go to college, like that was the only to have worth as an adult. I was also so ignorant about the world and I made so many mistakes and acted like such a fool. I look at my degree sitting in the closet almost with contempt. The document states “B.S. in Forest Managememt -Magna cum Laude, but in my mind, It says “Phd in Sin” I was so vulnerable and so ignorant and felt entitled to have the time of my life, regardless of the moral ramifications. I did become disgusted with my sin and seek the saving grace of Jesus during my schooling. But that is hard to find on a college campus. I knew from my scant religious background that the Bible was important so I took a New Testament class. I can’t say the class was worth much, but it did require me to read the entire New Testament. and about halfway through Romans I remember being convicted of my sin and spending an entire night on my knees quaking with sobs as I realized the wickedness of my flesh that I had been serving. So in a way I think my college experience was what has brought me to a Christ, but in another, here I sit, sold-out to Jesus, trying to be a submissive wife, a devoted mother and proficient homekeeper. Things in which I have NO TRAINING in whatsoever. I so yearn for wisdom or a mentor or even a class to help me learn about these things, but I wasted so much time and resources learning about things I have no use for, no to mention the $20,000 in student loans that my dear husband is is paying back. The only other thing I can count as gain from having a college degree, is if maybe my husband were to die, I would have a degree that might make supporting my family easier. Although, after 4 babies, I barely can remember anything I learned during those drunken college days. So I guess now I will try to lead my daughters to either attend a local college while remaining under the protection and provision of her father or husband, or perhaps a seminary. But I am certain that I will devote much of their homeschooling to the hommaking skills that I have so struggled to learn since devoting my like to being a mother.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Okay, so I’ll admit I’m getting, well, let’s just say not any younger. I used to tease my Dad when he’d say a few days ago and it turned out to be six or seven weeks past. Well, I officially did it. I said Voddie Baucham’s post was maybe a couple of months ago. As it turns out it was in February. It’s title is: “Searching for an affordable college alternative.”, and he posted it on Feb. 6th if anyone is interested.
But if my children ask, I’ll still deny getting old. Though to be honest, they never ask – they think they know the truth. Wait ’til they’re 40!
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Education is not found just in a classroom and terming college or university as ‘higher’ education comes from the good marketing scheme of those institutions.
Seeking God’s will for our daughters (and sons) does not come from a feeling – it comes from scripture. The greatest reason we will not encourage college for our daughter comes down to the biblical authority structure. College only encourages ‘independence’ (read that as selfishness). All the ‘what-if’ questions have always seemed to me to question God’s soveriegnty. What if she is to be single? She stays home with her parents and serves in her church or runs her own business or works with other women who are mothers and would appreciate the help.
We are raising our daughter to seek out business opportunities she can take advantage of from home. She has learned to work in many areas already before the age of 10 (gardening, pet sitting, housecleaning – all with her parents with her). Working in a self-employment situation has great advantages for both genders. It does not require a debt-load, it does not require ’sitting in the seat of the scornful’, it does not require seeking worldly success.
Anyway, just my thoughts in a nutshell.
July 23rd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I went to a No Greater Joy conference with Michael and Debi Pearl. Someone asked this very question. He had no problem with a community college / useful skill type class where the daughter is still living at home and the classes she takes are very carefully and prayerfully chosen. He did NOT recommend a university (even Christian) dorm situation as he said, “She will either lose her faith or her virginity or both!”, then he said if she didn’t lose those, she’s probably be tormented by the wickedness around her as Lot was.
July 26th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
I seem to be the only man responding to this post (I consider it courteous to let others know who they are dealing with over the web), so I don’t want this to be taken the wrong way.
I think a women with any education is of value to society and to any husband she might someday marry. But having finished my Bachelor’s degree I have to say that the education system is vile.
I went to a community college to start. Despite the excellent education provided, the environment is no place for a young man or young woman trying to keep a his or her life centered in Christ.
Then I went to a 4-year Christian university to finish, and the situation there was possibly worse than at the secular college. Now that I have left, I have heard of even more rumors about the situation there. Horrid.
Now that I have perhaps scared everyone silly, I would like to offer a suggestion to the homeschool community: start a distance learning college for homeschoolers. It is certainly worth consideration, and you avoid the current educational establishment of the university system.
I hope that helps.
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:30 pm
This is a difficult question to answer, but fascinating to think about and discuss. I attended a 4-year state university on a nearly full scholarship (thankfully!). I look on that time as largely wasted, academically speaking. I was not challenged intellectually, and I didn’t learn any skills that I plan to use to earn money.
However, although I know this is not the norm in this country, I learned a lot about God and the Gospel, found a great church community, and really grew as a Christian during my time at college. I also met my husband, who plans to be a professor for the rest of his life, so I believe the things I learned about university culture will serve me well wherever we end up (he’s finishing up his PhD now).
I have a 3-month-old daughter, and I agree with what others have said — I can’t plan her life out for her now based only on her gender. I would love it if she wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother, but that may not be what God has planned for her. I hope to raise children who will recognize what they love, what they are good at, and what God calls them to. Then I won’t have to decide!
August 6th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
The comments have been very interesting but I think the first comment was my favorite. This is an area where you can’t base your beliefs on your experiences. I’ve heard both positive and negative experiences about college that could easily compel you to choose either one.
However, God will direct you, college is not for everyone but some people greatly benefit from it. I had a wonderful experience with college but my husband not so much. Both experiences we learned from and since we met each other there…we can’t complain!
There is not a one way or the other, everyone has a different calling…some are great at being self-employed, others need more structure and some professions require college.
August 7th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I went to college and continued on to get a Master’s Degree. I get asked about “wasting” my education quite frequently due to deciding to focus on children and home. I always find that odd since all of my degrees were focused on Early Childhood and Special Education. I feel I use my training every day both to encourage other women and to help guide my teaching of my children. While the Lord is a strong voice, it’s also helpful to be able to remind myself of just how might be the best way to explain His various wonders to a child in a way the child is likely to understand. I can also encourage and help, in a very practical way, mothers who are struggling with how to navigate assistance for their children who have disabilities. I can see why there would be concerns about co-educational colleges but I was able to navigate one and keep my virginity intact.
August 10th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Ooops! I accidentally deleted this comment instead of approving it. Praise the Lord for the history on my computer! This is from Marie:
I would strongly encourage every young woman to consider attending college because no one knows exactly how their life will turn out, no matter what they plan for. I am a single woman in my mid-thirties and always envisioned myself married with kids, but that has apparently not been the Lord’s will for my life and I don’t see that changing any time soon. My college education has opened doors for me to obtain a well-paying job in the computer field and I am able to use my income to support myself and contribute to the needs of others (including the college kids at my church). Even a young woman who knows that she is definitely getting married may not end up being a mom, since not every couple is able to have children these days. And married woman need to consider how they will support themselves (and any children) in the event of divorce or the death of their husband. I realize that divorce is not God’s perfect option for His children, but it does happen in this day and age and isn’t always in the wife’s control. I have a good friend who has ended up as a single mom (not by her own choice), and although she is very bright and capable, after dropping out of college and being a stay-at-home mom for 20 years, her job opportunities are quite limited.
One suggestion that I would make is for kids (male and female) to take a year or two off before going to college. A lot of the kids at my church are doing this and they are finding that they benefit more educationally from their college experience and handle various interpersonal situations more maturely because of the extra year or two of personal development. Plus having a minimum wage job for a year or two does a lot to motivate one to study hard and be more appreciate of college once you get there
August 12th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
It is fine for a woman to broaden her education, but I do not recommend “sending a girl off” to college. Since secular college campuses are bastions of socialist propaganda and are immoral cesspools, I believe it is wise if a young person takes college courses via distance-education online and lives at home.
If a woman chooses to home school her children (and I hope more and more continue to do so), studies show that a college education has little bearing on the academic success of her children. The kids thrive no matter what.
http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=106585
I believe that through library use any woman can educate herself far beyond a college education free and clear, if she’s motivated.
Most colleges are money-making businesses with an agenda. The trend is to research alternatives.
September 27th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Sorry, I know this is several days late, but…
As one of the previous posters suggested, I “felt called to singleness”. My mom is/was a product of the 2nd wave of feminism and thought that a clean house was a sign of a wasted life. So, for as long as I can remember, I’ve thought about career paths(paleontologist-teacher-fashion designer- marine biologist) and colleges. My college “choice” led me 1,000 miles from home, plunged me into depression, which later turned to pure wrath. After my second year of college, I met the man I’m going to marry – who is also 1,000 miles away in my hometown – and felt irrevocably called to stay home when I’m married.
I’m in my fifth and final year (hopefully) of college. I’ve hated nearly every second of it; learning is cool, but learning when surrounded by whores, drunks and druggies (and allowing oneself to “go with it ’cause that’ll make everything better”) is not cool.
So much for my story, here is my answer: if you can afford if out right and debt-free, or if your daughter receives a scholarship it might be okay if 1) it’s close to home and 2) she goes for a degree that will be useful later in her role as a wife, something that could be a cottage industry or a backup if something happens to the husband. But if she doesn’t feel called to college (I’ve known many who went only to meet their husbands), then don’t force her. At the same time, I would suggest social activities for her age group to meet marriage minded young men.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:46 am
First, to question whether your daughter’s education should be funded simply because she may choose to be a housewife later is completely underestimating her and her potential. Women are capable of great things, and to rob them of the opportunity to accomplish great things by discouraging their education or by only offering your support paired with hesitation is demeaning to your daughters.
Second, women all over the world are made victims of violence, forced into prostitution, and traded for sex — all because their cultures don’t believe they should have the same opportunities or education as men. Women’s lives are more valuable than this, and I believe parents should enforce rather than question the value of their daughters.
Third, if your daughter really does not enjoy college you can always allow her to discontinue her studies. Or, as the last person mentioned, if she feels there are too many negative influences encourage her to attend a Christian college, or take classes online.
I also wanted to mention that regardless of the experiences we have had in college (some have written very negative memories), our experiences are not indicative of what our children will experience. People can grow nearer to God or fall away at any time in life, college is another chance to do either.
Some concluding questions… What if your daughter is to remain single? What if your daughter wants to work AND raise children? What if, God forbid, your daughter were to ever be divorced and need to provide for her family alone? A chance of one of these very possible scenarios means a college education is MORE than necessary.
But most importantly, who are you to deprive the world of the good she could accomplish with continuing education?
“In a large slice of the world, girls are uneducated and women marginalized, and it’s not an accident that those same countries are disproportionately mired in poverty and riven by fundamentalism and chaos.”
September 29th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Anne,
I don’t think anyone here is against education for women. I, myself, am fanatical about education and spend so much time on it that my oldest daughter, at five years old, is doing second grade level workbooks in my homeschool. And I have every intention of continuing to give her (and my other children) the most rigorous education possible.
The question is not whether or not women should be educated but whether or not college is the most practical way to educate those women who want to be homemakers. The sad fact is that most traditional colleges/universities are so expensive that students graduate up to their eyeballs in debt. This forces them to work for several years to pay off their loans. For a woman whose deep desire is to marry and be a homemaker, that often means that her main plan is jeopardized for the sake of her back-up plan. Full-time homemaking, and sometimes even marriage and childbearing, must be delayed while loans are paid off.
You ask, “who are you to deprive the world of the good she could accomplish with continuing education?” This question ignores the great deal of good that an intelligent woman who is freed from the shackles of a nine-to-five job can do. If more families would think outside the university box for their daughters’ educations, we could unleash an army of women with the time and financial freedom for tremendous service both in their own homes and in their communities.
You are absolutely right that women the world over are abused and demeaned. That is tragic. However, I think this problem has much more to do with undervaluing women, the family, and God-ordained morality than it does with not universally buying women degrees that cost as much as a small house.
The fact that women in other countries are exploited, to me, means nothing about what choices my daughters should make. I think it would be grossly unfair of me to require a young woman who wants to be a homemaker to financially compromise her dreams by attending an expensive university just to “enforce” her value as some kind of political statement. My husband and I will try to help our daughters make the wisest educational decisions they can depending on their dreams, plans, and gifting.
Also, while it is true that some people grow much closer to God in college, I think that generally speaking colleges are far more blatantly anti-Christian, immoral, and sexually perilous than nearly any other environment. Sure, if it’s too bad, a girl can quit, but quitting is very hard after investing all that time and money, and often the damage has already been done. For example, according to Crisis Connection, one in four women on college campuses is the victim of rape. With statistics like that, I think it is absolutely reasonable for parents to ask if a college hundreds of miles from home is a safe environment for their precious daughters. Indeed, it would seem that parents who don’t question the wisdom of traditional college are undervaluing their daughters far more than those who do.
November 1st, 2009 at 11:42 am
I think parents should try to save for part of their children’s education regardless of gender and let them choose what they want to do. It would be far cheaper if the children could stay home while studying. There are many jobs that don’t require college though and they could easily go to trade school, or become nannies, secretaries etc. before meeting their future husbands should they meet a good man (that’s another story!!). Nobody needs to go to an Ivy school as well.
But for young women who marry young and are in a great relationship, I don’t see why college is necessary. They can always go back later should they need to. But homemakers should and can protect their financial lives by having life insurance and their own spousal IRA. So the usual arguments about housewives don’t stand in my opinion:
1) If the husband dies…The answer is term life insurance, about 10 to 20 times his yearly salary. It’s not expensive.
2) Should they separate: she’ll have her spousal IRA, child support and could always go back to school.
Bottom line is women should have the choice to be homemakers or not. I’m a stay at home wife and love it, and will definitely show homemaking skills to my children, but it’s up to them to choose what they want to do with their lives.
November 1st, 2009 at 11:47 am
Another thing: I went to college but did not finish it for several reasons. It was a worthless degree anyway. My parents saved up for all of my siblings and I so I don’t have any debt, and chose to stay home while my siblings moved out even though college was near home. They both got debt as a result of paying for living expenses and changing study fields. So both hubby and I don’t have any college debt as hubby paid for his during his college summers, and we are debt free too.
March 20th, 2010 at 12:33 am
While we had originally planned that our daughter would not go to college (her decision and our agreement) events and Gods plans got in the way of ours. She is now almost finished with her freshman year, an honors student and loving every minute or her year at college. We know without a doubt that this was God’s plan for her. She is still a virgin, a committed christian, and still plans to stay home when and if God blesses with a family and home to care for. In the mean time she is preparing for career in music education so that she can share a love of classical music with inner city kids who often get no exposure to really great music. She lives in the Ladies dorm, men are not allowed past the lobby and not even in the lobby after certain hours. She has a great roommate who also loves the Lord and seeks to follow him.
I have to say, I respect Michael and Debi Pearl and have read their books but they are not the final word on what will happen to a young woman who chooses to go to a university and live in the dorm. While I recognize that those things do go on in even christian school, they also happen to daughters in families that have always homeschooled, keep their daughters home and even monitor closely their daughters courtships. The fact is we are flawed human sinful beings. We are prone to evil as the sparks fly upwards. They only way we can stay pure is to keep our eyes on Jesus, pray without ceasing and flee temptation, WHEREVER we are; at home, at school, at play.
DD