Young mother, are you worried that your kids won’t grow up with all the advantages that your friends’ kids have, those crucial childhood experiences, like angst and rebellion? Are you wondering how to do your part to keep the generation gap alive and well and wider than the Pacific ocean? Is your parenting goal making sure that your kids resent you and reject everything you believe? I’m putting my tongue in my cheek just for you today (and in case anyone is totally brain dead from staying up all night with a teething baby, I’ll be a touch more obvious: I’m kidding, and I’m writing this for myself just as much as for anyone else). I’m sure there are lots of ways to accomplish your goals, but allow me to present what I believe to be a sure-fire plan that’s simple enough for any concerned parent to follow.
Step 1. Make sure your kids know that whatever you care about is so much more important to you than they are.
Whether you’re hosting a Bible study, practicing hospitality, coordinating ministries, or just manning the phones for the prayer chain, be sure to tell your kids, “NOT now. Mommy’s busy.” If they want you to look at their pictures, read them a story, or answer a question, use your most frustrated voice and whine, “I have got to get this done. Everyone will be here in three hours, and I still have to make the snack, clean the bathroom, and vacuum the entire house!” (And this list is just rolling off my fingers because it’s almost an exact quote from me today. Told you I was writing this for myself.)
Step 2. Be grumpy, irritable, and generally joyless.
If you really want your kids to see the obvious logic in rejecting your values, you won’t want to miss out on proving beyond a shadow of a doubt how pointless they all are. After all, they don’t even make you happy. Walk around with a burdened slump all day, or else rush frantically from task to pressing task, but above all never smile, never stop to enjoy the fruits of your labors, never pause for a hug, never sing, never laugh. For extra benefit, you can complain to your children about how obnoxious their behavior is today, vent about how you just don’t know what to do with them, and sigh loudly whenever they need anything. This is an efficient way of combining steps 1 and 2 and really serves to hammer both points home.
Step 3. Put lots of pressure on your kids to follow in your footsteps without ever making your beliefs relevant in their lives.
Discourage long and thoughtful conversations. (You don’t have time for that, remember?) When they ask questions about the meaning of life or just how to get by in the day to day, resist the temptation to point them to the Scriptures, share personal anecdotes, or heaven forbid, pray with them. Focus on pat answers, or just brush the whole thing off. “Because I said so,” and “That’s just the way it is” are both excellent final answers to kids’ questions, especially when coupled with visible disdain for others who do not share your opinion. To pull this off successfully, it’s important to be really emotional if your children show any tendencies toward disagreeing. They need to understand that you take it personally if they don’t cherish your opinions.
If you follow this plan with care and diligence, you, too, can produce children who wind up hating everything you hold dear and who find you unpleasant to be around to boot. In fact, this plan is so simple that many mothers are following it without even intending to. Many actually have the opposite goals in mind, but with the reliability of these three steps, even the unintentional can see big results.
July 23rd, 2009 at 8:56 am
Well said
Now where’s the version for wives and husbands?
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:58 am
So good, thanks for the encouraging word to take a step back and look in the mirror.
It was so refreshing to read this afer I just read a post on facebook, from a Christian woman, that basically bashed Michelle Dugger for breastfeeding (discreetly) on her television show and for her “irresponsibility” of having so many kids.
Your blog is so refreshing and I appreciate how God uses you to help us with Biblical truths.
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:21 pm
OUCH! Even if we know better, and don’t usually behave this way, we all do it on occasion. Very good reminder for us all.
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Thank you.
What a good reminder to keep our eye on the ball. I remember seeing a poster once that said “When Mumma ain’t happy, ani’t nobody happy.” So, I try to take that seriously and set the tone.
Blessings
Ruby
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:26 pm
Ah.. it’s sounds like you’ve had a hard day! Fortunately, it takes more than a HARD day to have them reject everything. Keep on. LIfe will slow down enough to help them appreciate what’s going on, or.. just learn to say NO to outside pressures. Our heavenly father knows how to comfort the overwhelmed.
Oh, I can’t imagine anyone slugging Michelle Duggar. She has got to be so selfless to be the mother of so many. I am a selfish blob, but I really feel it when I see people like that. Hugs.
July 23rd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Thanks for another accurate, convicting, and well-written post!
July 23rd, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Ouch! Wonderfully convicting, even with the humor.
I saw myself in there more than I’d care to admit, but will.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
I was just pondering the thought that I believe God gave me along these same well written lines that you have written today over the course of the last few weeks. I have been thinking over and over again “Lord, I just do not want my kids to resent me and rebel.” It has helped me to calm down a bit. Your words are very encouraging and convicting.
Lord Help all of us as mothers or wives to slow down, and to walk in self control and to realize that we need to relax and enjoy our children so that they may enjoy us. In Yeshua’s(Jesus in Hebrew)name, AMEN.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:00 am
Oh, yea…that mother has visited my house before. It is an awful feeling when the Spirit opens my eyes to see the chaos I created by letting my grumpy attitude lead my day – it affects everyone! It is always good to know that I am not the only one (if I was, no one would be writing about it).
Good stuff, thanks for writing it.
July 26th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
There you are again, the very first post I come back to, convicting me and spurring me on. If I could only tell you how often I’m guilty of these, especially number one. Thank you, thank you and thank you again.
July 28th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
I just wanted to let you know that for the past two days, I’ve been a better mother to my kids, thanks to you and your encouraging words. EVERY TIME I’ve been met with one of those situations that would normally frustrate me and cause me to be less than loving with my children, I’ve thought of your words, and *most* of the time I’ve been able to re-direct my response. Thank you, again, for this post. My kids thank you, too.
July 31st, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Just what I needed to read today…convicting me as I see myself in more than one example and so desperately do not want to be that mom!
August 5th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
What a great analysis, and so entertainingly written! Thank you!
August 7th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Guilty as charged! Thanks for reminding me in a new way of that old saying that “more is caught than taught.” Hope, with God’s help, that I can be different today!
August 7th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Wow.
This has been me lately. I needed this kick in the pants.
Thank you for this timely reminder!
August 7th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
First time I’ve been here; sent by Amy’s Humble Musings.
Ow ow ow. I needed this. We’re in the middle of a remodel, and oh…yikes. Thank you. I’ll be back.
August 7th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Bravo! I agree 100%!
Of course, I now feel guilty because I said, “Not right now, I’ve GOT to get this done” to my children at least 3 times today. Thanks for the reminder!!!
August 7th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
You captured those moments so well. I stop myself often and ask, “Did I really just say that?” Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!
August 7th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Thank you! Great stuff, and I appreciate the humor!
August 12th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
The mindset in our culture today is to consider children a burden. Many who send their children to public schools where the average kid spends over 14,000 seat hours outside the home often find that their kids become strangers. It’s hard for women working outside the home to come home and spend both quantity and quality time with a child on a consistent enough basis to strengthen a relationship.
It’s August and I hear too many public school moms saying they can’t wait until summer is finished and their kids are back in school and out of their hair. It’s very sad. If only they could know the joy of teaching their own children and seeing them grow to real maturity.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Great post! I think I have been a little guilty of some of these things lately. Thank you for the reminder
August 24th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Kind of like a rock to the chest. I need to make \finding time\ for my kids more of a priority. Which means I shouldn’t *find* the time, but *make* the time. Thank you for this.