It happened at the gym. She had just been shaking her head about the fact that I work out for a whole hour instead of the usual half hour that most people at Curves do, and I had offered the twenty pounds of baby weight I had left to lose by way of explanation.
“How many children do you want to have?” she asked incredulously.
“A lot.” I grinned.
Then she said, “You sure you’re not crazy?” Only, she didn’t use the word, “crazy.” She pointed at her head and rolled her eyes in a caricature.
I’ve been told I have my hands full more times than I can count. I’ve been asked by strangers if I’m “done.” But this was a new one.
Crazy.
This could have turned out to be a post about how rude people are to mothers of many sometimes. But the problem is her comment really hit home. You see, I had just spent the day before acting like I was crazy.
That day had been Sunday, and we had had the triple whammy of church in the morning, followed by coffee and desert at our friends’ pristine new condo (if you’re reading this, Mr. and Mrs. “A,” you’re wonderful…and brave for inviting four small children to your flawless home), and ending with evening church and fellowship dinner at our house. There were the minor tantrums, the multiple trips with the potty training two year old to the bathroom in the middle of the sermon (including the time she ran the wrong way, right in front of the speaker), and always, always the refrain of “No! Don’t touch. That isn’t ours. And we don’t climb on the furniture.” Worst of all, I lost count of the times I said ruefully of my toddler, “She’s two.”
Yup, two. And not just any two, she’s the “tank,” barreling her way through life with grit and endurance, independence and determination, the pluckiest little imp you ever saw. She is the stuff of mountain climbers, jungle missionaries, and pioneers. She will do great things. And I had complained about her. Ah, yes, four children: work and chaos. And did I mention that my two year old is my hardest child? Worn out and whiney, I griped here. I griped there.
Crazy.
Sure, it’s rough spending the day feeling trodden down by a two year old destined for greatness, pitting my wits against hers as I remove her for discipline between every other sentence uttered in conversation with our friends, but isn’t she worth it? Was I crazy to give birth to her when I already had a “complete” family, one little girl and one little boy, the perfect American package? Is she a blessing? Should I have quit having children to save my sanity and secure a more relaxed social life? Which is more important, a peaceful morning in church or rosy cheeks and blond curls? An undistracted afternoon enjoying gourmet pie and adult conversation, or a sturdy little arrow I’m sharpening for a target further out than I will ever go? An easy time ministering to my church family through hospitality, or an eternal soul?
An eternal soul. Each one of my children is so infinitely precious. How could anyone question the value of pouring my life into them? Least of all me?
Crazy.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
I think God must have led me directly to this post, because I just sent my husband an email talking about what an astounding handful our two-year-old daughter is. Thank you for another great post.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
I just found your blog last night while I as up suffering from insomnia. I am thoroughly enjoying it so far. Thanks for being so transparent and sharing your life and all that God is doing in and through you and your family. I will definitely be making many trips to visit you here.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Thank you for this description: “a sturdy little arrow I’m sharpening for a target further out than I will ever go.” It made me cry. Although, to be fair, that’s not hard to do to the mother of a three-and-a-half-month-old.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
If it’s any consolation, our bright and godly 15 year old (Joanna) sounds a lot like your “tank child” at two. Just a little watering, sunshine and food, and time will pass. It happens so fast, and we wake up, and then they are grown. Where did it go? When did they stop being two? or three?
When people ask me if I’m crazy, I always, and I mean always, say YES, and I LOVE IT! Thanks for asking and I roll my eyes back in my head in that familiar chariacture… LOL
August 18th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Aw, I’m sorry! Sounds like a rough day!
August 19th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Even if you didn’t write this stuff down for posterity – it is the rough days that tend to make for good memories in the later years.
When I come across so many people who treat their kids like inconveniences or mistakes, you are a breath of fresh air.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
My husband and I were just talking about how it wasn’t having 3 kids 3 and under that was tough on our recent trip which involved navigating airports; it was having this particular almost-two-year-old.
August 21st, 2009 at 12:22 pm
\Sure, it’s rough spending the day feeling trodden down by a FOUR year old destined for greatness, pitting my wits against HIS as I remove HIM for discipline between every other sentence uttered in conversation with our friends, but isn’t HE worth it?\
Yes he is! Thank you for this single sentence.
August 23rd, 2009 at 12:01 am
Dear Mrs P, Ihope you’re well. Why were you at Curves in the first place?I know that’s a really forward question but you’re going to meet people there who think just being a loving stay at home mum of two kids is crazy. Gyms are full of image obsessed people with shallow values- get a total gym and rebounder instead, its crazy spending money on a gym membership. Also, I presume your active little girl has been good in church and then had to be good and quiet after church , poor thing, she would have prefered to go to a park rather than a condo and then have a good sleep. Going to a condo with an active but tired 2 year old is hard work even if you only have one child.It’s not the amount of children you have that makes you crazy it’s if you still want to have a ‘normal’ mainstram existence afd have heaps of kids is what I think makes one crazy.From Linda
August 23rd, 2009 at 12:27 am
Wonderful post! My children keep me humble and hoppin’. But they are so worth it!
Blessings,
Amy
August 23rd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I’m kind of fond of the idea of moms of young children going out to the gym. It’s good for the rest of the world to know we exist. I love meeting new people and having an another avenue for the gospel. So you get some funny comments, just laugh it off and get on with your life. Can I tell you guys a funny story?
O.K. here goes. We had just the fourth or third baby and we were at a family wedding. One of the relatives had married this young gal with only one child. She was a “hip” gal with no patience for such nonsense–especially the kind of nonsense that involves anything with so many little ones. She started giving me some “fake” sympathy.. you poor thing.. and what she was really saying is (too bad you aren’t like me). So, I asked her, “So, you only have one child, right?” (obviously not with them) “Aaah, that’s too bad. How do you ever entertain one child all by yourself? I mean really, is it insane? I just remember how hard it was with one! (looking pitiful).. and she bought it. Before you know it, I was having to console her. I hate to be mean like that, but she needed a reality check. Life really is better with more kids, and I’m not just saying this as a pick me up.
August 25th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
We must have given birth to the same two-year old!
She sounds just like yours and I feel the same way about her. She is destined to do something great for God. I’m sure God is going to use he strong-willed nature, I’m just the one who has the pleasure of molding that nature for good and not for evil:)
But, yes, they are souls with a purpose from God and they are worth it!
This post is so refreshing and it reminds me that I am not the only one in the middle of “chaos” and knee deep in child training! Thank you!
August 25th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Hey Andrea!
This post is a breath of fresh and I LOVE IT! What a great reminder… Self pity?? or Eternal focus?? The choice is ours. Love to you.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:45 am
Dear Mrs P, you can meet people gardening in front of your section.Amen to what La sandra said.Trumball says to work with a child’s nature for the best. Keep at it you’ll be great.From Linda.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Linda,
It’s been great to hear from you again! Thanks for your comments.
I think I need to clarify the whole gym thing. There is nothing fundamentally sinful about going to a gym. There are lots of things associated with some gyms that are not good, but the existence of those problems does not mean that gyms are out of the question for all Christians under all circumstances.
For example, you could point out the problem of immodesty and body image obsession that plagues so many gyms. This is very bad, but it is a problem with immodesty and body image obsession, not gyms. As it turns out, the gym I go to, Curves, is only for women and caters to middle aged and retired clients. There is almost no body image obsession and very little immodesty, much, much less than at the grocery store. Most ladies don’t even bother with make-up, let alone get crazy about needing to be perfectly toned.
You could also argue that gyms are bad because women leave their children in the care of other people to go to them. This could really be a problem. A dear cousin of mine quit her gym membership because her baby was so miserable in the childcare room (and if you’ve read my blog long enough, you know how I feel about childcare). But this is a problem with childcare, not with gyms. In my case, my children are home with their Daddy when I go to the gym, so this is not an issue for us.
You could say that women do not need “me time,” or should not be away from their families. And I am certainly very leery of seeking after away time too much. I think that families should be together as much as possible. However, the problem here is the desire to be away from your family, not the gym itself. In my case, the gym is the ONLY thing I do away from my family, and I’m not doing it because I want to “get away” but because I believe it’s important to health to get exercise, and buying my own equipment in not very convenient for our family given our extremely limited space.
You could say that if a woman is lonely or wants to be a witness that there are many more wholesome places to get friends, or more convenient mission fields than the local gym. And this is certainly true. However, this does not preclude going to the gym to exercise and them being friendly and a good witness while you’re there since that’s the Christian thing to do in all environments. And this is exactly what I’m trying to do. I’m not going there specifically to meet people, although I do meet a lot of people. I’m going because I want to be a good steward of the body God has given me, to try to maintain a healthy weight, good cardiovascular health, and muscle tone to support my joints as I bear children.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Mrs. P, I love your humility and your willingness to look back on things and admit the mistakes you made. Your willingness to do that is so helpful for those of us who often make the same mistakes… sometimes without even realizing it. It sounds like you had a rough day and I’m sorry for that. But as always I’m grateful that you’ve shared your experience with us… and the lessons you’ve learned.
August 28th, 2009 at 3:50 am
Dear Mrs P, I actually didn’t say any of those things so please do not put words in my mouth ,I actually said its crazy to spend money on a gym membership. I also said you can witness elsewhere- I didn’t say you could not witness at the gym. However since you perhaps would like to know my opinion rather than assume it, here we go. When in Rome do as the romans do, most people at the gym will assume you are going there because you are concerned about your baby fat- your words not mine, also most people at the gym probaby think that a gym membership could possibly be a stupid waste of money-even if they go there- perhaps you could be giving your money to the poor instead of going to a gym is what they might think. The non-christianns of this world sometimes see things more clearly and straight up than christians who spend alot of time justifying themselves. Sorry to be so frank but I really don’t like words being put in my mouth.Have a nice break walking the dog instead or visiting a friend. I hope we are still friends.From Linda.
August 28th, 2009 at 4:37 am
Dear Mrs P,I must add that I don’t thinl it’s wrong of yu to have metime or go to the gym. Just that at the gym you could be setting yourself up for a fall in a no- win situation.Alot of people there will think alot differently to you and think their way no matter what,for them to respect you they need to know you. Just like me who cannot for the life of me understand any one going to the gym,my husband says I’m a lost cause when it comes to understanding gyms. Also I love having my children off my hands at Sunday school and I wish my church had a creche it’s nice for them to get a break from me the poor things!Fom Linda.
August 28th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Linda,
Of course we’re still friends! I’m sorry you felt like I was putting words in your mouth. That wasn’t my intention. Thank you again for all your thought provoking comments.
September 3rd, 2009 at 3:35 am
I had to giggle when one of the comments said something about the craziness of trying to live a mainstream existence with a heap of kids. I hardly think you are trying to live a main stream existence, whatever that actually means! I think that it is important for children to learn contentment in adult situations such as Church, (yes it is for children too, but a 2 year old might glean more at the beginning from their parents involvement.) and even lunch a pristine condo. Lots of work? Yes 99% of the time, but that does not mean it should not be attempted. I used to watch kids that had never been required to sit at a table to eat, their family didn’t eat meals together so they just kind of ate on the fly whenever it suited their fancy. Those poor kids did not know how to sit still through a dinner conversation, but it was hardly their fault.
My two year old is a finicky eater, and gets antsy during any meal many times, but he is learning how to sit (and hopefully eventually eat!) and reaches out his hands to hold ours when we say the blessing. He usually whispers something that includes “Jesus” and then ends with a hearty “Amen!” after my husband or I finish praying. Its pretty special, even though I know right now it is just mimicry.
I am glad for husbands like yours and mine who are happy to make time in their schedules to spend time with the kids so we can go work out, (as much as I wish it were just shopping or coffee time, working out is something that needs to be a priority for me right now… I have this baby weight gone but I still have several pounds of weight from my first that never wanted to leave:-)
September 8th, 2009 at 5:16 am
Dear Mrs P ,in answer to Rachel mainstream is a colloquial term used in NewZealand for the norm, tho from a country that brought you Shrek, Lord of the rings, Narnia and Rocky Horror New Zealand is hardly the norm, oh and Russell Crowe was born here.Anyway, I still believe wise parenting takes into account your child’s personality, it depends on what parenting book you read and of course that goes for kids in church. Many sentences in scripture could be taken as gospel and huge christian movements including the non Sunday school one, begun from them.At the end of the day we are training up our childen to do the Lord’s work we can’t let whatever philosophy we’re set in affect that children’s walk, heaven forbid we are incorrect.Maybe we need to rethink what we’re doing at times.From Linda.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Beautiful post!
I had to smile at your description of your toddler girl. Sounds just too much like my little two year old!