When I talk to people about pornography, I am frequently amazed (and saddened) by the number of people who just don’t get it. They don’t see porn as a big deal, don’t understand why it upsets women so much, and figure that anyone who is opposed to it must be a Victorian prude. Naomi Wolf has written a great piece that busts right to the heart of the matter, The Porn Myth. The fact is, porn makes men want real women less.
For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn….
…The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; and that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy. The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn, and how it is not helpful to them in trying to figure out how to be with a real woman. Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don’t know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.
What’s her solution? Wolf can’t bring herself to actually recommend modesty, but she does a pretty good job of praising the wisdom behind it and shares a powerful vignette from a visit with an Orthodox Jewish friend in Jerusalem.
When she showed me her little house in a settlement on a hill, and I saw the bedroom, draped in Middle Eastern embroideries, that she shares only with her husband—the kids are not allowed—the sexual intensity in the air was archaic, overwhelming. It was private. It was a feeling of erotic intensity deeper than any I have ever picked up between secular couples in the liberated West. And I thought: Our husbands see naked women all day—in Times Square if not on the Net. Her husband never even sees another woman’s hair.
She must feel, I thought, so hot.
Due to the nature of the subject matter, I’m definitely not recommending this to younger readers, and I do suggest that you exercise discernment. However, given how pornography has swept our society, it would behoove us (especially those of us with sons to raise) to understand its true effects so that we can adequately warn our children. It all reminds me of what C.S. Lewis wrote in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,
Nothing spoils the taste of good ordinary food half so much as the memory of bad magic food.
If you want to appreciate fresh fish and potatoes, stay away from the Witch’s Turkish delight. If you want a steamy sex life, stay away from porn.
It works. 
Read the full article here.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Your right; the article link is spicy. I do feel sorry for the younger gals. I’m in her generation of 40 year olds, who didn’t grow up with all of the video porn, etc. It’s got to be completely devistating to a relationship to have either one involved in that scene. These people need Christ! They need a real, living relationship with the Lord Jesus to help deliver them from this sin that opposes itself. I saw a video once that was addressing this issue and trying to help people get out of the grips of pornography. If I find the link, I’ll come back with it.
September 24th, 2009 at 1:23 am
Thanks for the link.
Although my parents bedroom was not as the one described, it was definately out of bounds for us kids! It was their private domain. Families are very “open” nowadays. I am shocked that I have to ask visiting kids to leave my bedroom!
Immodesty..definately. I feel sad for those young folk trying to have normal happy lives under such social pressures.
September 24th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I personally find porn distasteful, even as a non-religious person — kind of like opening a door by mistake, seeing something I don’t want to see, and closing it quickly. (As a journalist, I am a free speech fanatic, so while I don’t happen to like it myself, I am vehemently in favor of allowing consenting adults allowed to produce, distribute and consume it — but that’s another subject all together!)
What jumped out at me most in the Wolf article, oddly enough, was this:
“These cultures urge men not to look at porn because they know that a powerful erotic bond between parents is a key element of a strong family.”
I disagree. Strongly! I know many happy marriages in which the embers have cooled, so to speak — or were never on fire in the first place. I live in Japan, and some of my friends’ marriages here were arranged. There was NO sexual spark (on the part of the women, at least). What brought these couples together was a shared mission of familial responsibility, which over time, lead to love between the partners. The sex was necessary to create the children, of course, but was incidental to the purpose of their union. And many of these marriages are among the strongest and happiest I have ever seen.
I would say that while a powerful erotic bond CAN be a key element to a strong family (and certainly doesn’t hurt!), it doesn’t HAVE to be key. It is up to the individual couples to mutually determine it for themselves.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:50 am
The last line of the article was so sad…but so true in our culture these days.
I remember a conversation I had with a co-worker about ten years ago on this very subject. Even then when I was not walking with the Lord at all, I still abhored pornography. He was telling me how he would quit looking at it when he was in a relationship, for the very reason the article stated…that is would take away his excitement for his current partner. Until then, I had never heard that thought before.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Hmmmm. I wonder if anyone will ever be able to convince the masses of this. Any rational person could understand this, but, I fear, rationality is as rare as purity these days.
September 24th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
hey L, I agree. There is something more powerful than I strong sexual relationship in a marriage, but the only thing I can think of is: Jesus Christ. After the fires have cooled down (and I hope they never do), I know we’ll be sitting there, holding hands and singing praise to Jesus together. Many fires can not quench love…
September 26th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Wow, that is fascinating. You might also find it interesting to read the interview James Dobson did with Ted Bundy the day before he was executed. Bundy talked at length about how pornography influenced his behavior. What I thought was most interesting was when Bundy said, “I’ve lived in prison for a long time now, and I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence. Without exception, every one of them was deeply involved in pornography…The F.B.I.’s own study on serial homicide shows that the most common interest among serial killers is pornographers.” The entire interview is here:
http://www.pureintimacy.org/piArticles/A000000433.cfm
That’s not to say that everyone who looks at pornography will be a serial killer, of course, but I do think it’s very indicative of the type of dehumanizing evil at work there. Anyway, thanks for another thought-provoking post!
September 28th, 2009 at 3:02 am
Dear Mrs P, I find reading stuff about porn just plain depressing and I feel sorry for young women today. I was a teenager in the 80’s, it wasn’t so bad then.Don’t worry I certainly didn’t live in a vacuum but I agree, porn just makes people feel inferior especially in the bedroom .What can we do- keep on venting , give up and live in our own world,I don’t know,infact when it comes to stuff like that in the world our only hope is in Jesus.From Linda
September 29th, 2009 at 2:55 am
I agree. Porn is disgusting. It wrecks families, it wrecks pure, chaste marriage relationships. I abhor it.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Not really an argument here – I have seen grown men die spiritually and emotionally while burying themselves in a world of porn. It is one of Satan’s greatest tools in our culture today.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I didn’t read the article- just the blog post. I am 16. A few years ago, I had a run-in with porn. Fortunately, my Mom found out and helped me get over it somewhat quickly. However, it did leave an imprint on my mind. I will always remember the things that I saw.
No, I didn’t do anything. But I began to have a bad image of myself. Physically and emotionally.
I knew that porn was bad, and very much wanted to get away from it- hadn’t asked for it in the first place. But I just couldn’t work up the will-power to actually do it. It was like some people are with cigarettes.
And guess what started it all? A counter-top display at the local Citco. Yep, you can’t even get a Coke without being exposed to this stuff.
Ladies, it’s not just your sons you need to protect. Porn will ruin your daughters, as well. After all, they are mostly girls shown in the pictures… Curiosity really will kill the cat if not controlled.