A good friend of mine, whose children are all grown, tells the story of one of her sons, a boy of iron strong will, never bending for anyone, including his weary mother. She prayed for him, not that God would take her son’s strong will away, but that He would turn it for good. The Lord worked in her little boy’s heart, and today he is a man, holding on to his faith with the same tenacity he once had holding on to his own way.
I was thinking about this today. When we say of a child, “he has such a strong will,” we usually mean it as a negative thing since kids tend to put that strong will to use in stubbornly rebelling against Mommy and Daddy. But when a strong will gets redeemed it can grow up into loyalty, perseverance, and a strength of character that withstands the attacks of a decaying culture: peer pressure, loneliness, and ridicule.
It was strong-willed people who spread the early Church under threat of the fires and lions of Rome, and held fast to their faith under the persecution of governments, organized religions, and invading armies. It was strong-willed people who took the Gospel around the world, dying to bring life to those who live under the shadow of death. It was strong-willed people who hid Jews during the Holocaust and were sent to the camps themselves, and strong-willed people who are sitting right now in prisons in China and the Middle East, suffering for their faith. Here in the West, it was strong-willed people who pioneered the homeschooling movement, and in Europe it is strong-willed people who are standing up to socialist governments, fighting for the right to homeschool today. And it is strong-willed people who are willing to buck society’s conventional wisdom and give life to more than two children and who have the gall to try to keep those more than two children separate from a godless world.
So let’s not despair at the strength of our children’s wills when lessons like obedience and dying to self turn out to be a daily battle. Hope for the future is looking up at us today with set jaws and narrowed eyes, refusing to pick up a pile of board books or finish a handwriting page, utterly sinful and in need of relentless correction, yes, but raw material to turn the world upside down. So often sins are perverted virtues, and under God’s mighty hand a twisted, rotting weakness can become a shining strength. Let’s pray for our children, for an end to their rebellion, and a delight in godly submission to authority. Let’s never wish their wills were weaker, but instead pray with hope that their strong wills get redeemed.
October 21st, 2009 at 11:26 am
My mothering experience became so much sweeter when I finally learned (well, I guess truthfully I’m still learning this lesson) that things that are bothersome or even rebellious now are the very things I need to “shape” and “polish” for good. Our 2nd child is very, very strong and opinionated and has, ahem, caused my patience to increase. God knew what I needed when He gave me a very easy going third child. The verdict is still out on how number four will be.
This post should be included in a how to manual for new parents. Really.
October 21st, 2009 at 11:51 am
Thank you so much for this very timely encouragement. I sometimes despair over my “hard headed” daughter, but she is the only 14 year old I know who will look an adult in the eye and say, politely, “I’m not planning to go to college. I’m training to be a mom.”
October 21st, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Mrs. Parunak:
I was just reading about the life of Robert A. Jaffray and his missionary work – what a strong will HE had and it really made an impact on me. Thank you for this post that just confirms all the ‘new’ thoughts I am having about the strong wills of my own self, my children and my husband. I have been praying that God would be glorified in our family – but we are all so stubborn and relentless in our wills and rights…To think that it may be for a reason and intended to bring glory to God rather than to suppress is so EXCITING! Your comment about sin being “perverted virtues” really got me thinking too…I don’t know if I agree…but I am doing some thinking on it. Thank you for that.
October 21st, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I know from my mother-in-law that my DH was as strong willed (they called it stubborn) as anyone could hope to be. I am here to tell you that as saved adults, they are all faithful, loving and unswerving in the truth. It is fabulous. Sometimes I would like to see a glimpse of the future and know it will be O.K.
October 21st, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Thank you for another well-written and encouraging post!
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:05 am
i so needed this! i have 7 children , 5 of whom are strong willed and i am weary!!!
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:40 pm
” …Hope for the future is looking up at us today with set jaws and narrowed eyes, refusing to pick up a pile of board books or finish a handwriting page, utterly sinful and in need of relentless correction, yes, but raw material to turn the world upside down….”
This is such an amazing statement. Thank you so much for this post. Blessings to you and yours…
October 23rd, 2009 at 12:55 am
Yes! You could be writing about ME *ahem* and at least 2 of my boys. All their energy and stubborness is like a fire hose… I just need to get it pointed in the right direction so it does good, and not harm.
Julie
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Huzzah!!!
October 27th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
What a wonderful mail!
October 27th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Sarah,
I’m delighted that you stopped by my blog. I would have so loved to have been at the wedding and to have met you. Your daughter is an absolute gem. We all love her!
October 30th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Wonderful reminder as I have a strong willed daughter whom I need reminding to pray for that will to be used for HIS glory. Very encouraging
October 31st, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Literally was on my knees calling out to God over two strong willed children because…I am very strong willed and do not want them to suffer as I have.
This literally brought me to tears and gave me hope where there was none. Thank you so much. I can’t wait to read more here, this writing and your honesty is such a blessing to me.
It makes me remeber that God USED my strong will to keep me safe many times (while yes, I suffered for it)….I just need to have Him help me with them so that they use this for GOOD. Me too! Since I still struggle
Many Blessings
Ace
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:57 pm
What a good article. I have one strong-willed son with a will of iron, just like my father. He would wear out 2 sets of parents, and WE are weary. It took me and my husband and our other son together just to keep a lid on him. He has turned around however and we are very proud of him, as he is using his strong will to do right and serve God.
November 11th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
This message is so timely for me! I love your blog but rarely check it. Today I felt prompted to check it and I found this! I’ve been struggling with a particularly hard patch with my 3 yr old strong willed child. It seems like nothing I say or do gets through to him. In the past few weeks, I’ve cried like crazy over this child and our relationship. Pregnant with my 3rd, I’ve even despaired over having more children. Now I read this, which I forwarded on to Mr. Skidmore, and my heart just sang with hope for the first time in weeks. I sat with tears streaming down my face and I just want to thank you for taking the time from your family to post this.
December 9th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
I was told once and will never forget… “The thing that makes you most crazy about your little one, is his greatest strength, unharnessed.” I have seen my kids in a different light ever since.