A little head with a whirl of light brown hair snuggles close. I listen to the raspy breathing of her first cold. It’s a doozy. And lying down and nursing with Mommy is the only thing that makes her happy. In the living room, our little church is gathered. My husband’s teaching a flannelgraph on Gideon and the time he threw down the Baal his family and neighbors worshiped. I am missing it. A little hand holds tight to my clothes, a fist on her nursing cheek.
Don’t go, Mommy. I need you.
They’re sharing prayer requests, praying, eating the cookies I baked this afternoon. Someone knocks softly on my bedroom door, but my baby is nursing in her sleep, and I don’t want to yell to see who’s there. There are women here I wanted to talk to and a Hebrew lesson. I love Hebrew. I am missing that, too. Guilt tugs. I feel antisocial. Unspiritual. I try to unlatch and sneak off, but my baby coughs and cries and reaches for me.
Don’t go, Mommy. I need you.
And so I choose my little one and throw down some Baals of my own.
What will people think of you, skipping church? Shouldn’t you be ministering to the other women?
I’m ministering to my baby. And my family is my primary ministry, my most important assignment from the Lord.
You’re home all day with small children. You need some fellowship time, some adult conversation.
I get lots of fellowship time most weeks. And sometimes serving the Lord means denying yourself.
You should be out there learning. This is your chance to study God’s word, use your brain, expand your horizons. Don’t you deserve a little intellectual stimulation?
I can read while I lie here. I can think and pray. And again, sometimes, I have to deny myself.
Are you saying you’re supposed to be completely fulfilled with nothing but this baby?
No. I am completely fulfilled with nothing but the Lord. I will not bow down to any idols, not even the “acceptable” ones that my neighbors worship, like adult conversation, intellectual stimulation, and visible ministries. These are blessings when I get them, but as soon as they interfere with serving Christ, as soon as they cause me to fret and be dissatisfied with the work He has given me, as soon as I cannot be happy without them, then they are idols, and I must throw them down.
My baby rests against me, peaceful, sleeping away her sickness, cuddled up close. I am the only thing that makes her happy. And she is my example. There is only one thing that should make me happy, too.
Don’t go, Father. I need you.
January 15th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
What a beautiful post. I can remember what it felt like to be nursing my child in the bedroom when all the other adults were together in another room. I remember feeling trapped or tied down sometimes, but I also remember finding the spirituality and serenity in letting go of everything but being what my baby needs at that moment.
It was your parenting posts that first drew me to your blog. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope your little one feels better soon.
Adele
January 15th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Oh, I needed that. I need to unearth some Baals of my own.. thank you, sister. You did the right thing.. the right thing, indeed.
January 15th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Aw….love this post. And hope your wee one gets over that cold soon!
January 15th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
Amen! Amen! The right choice, indeed!
January 15th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Well put. Thank you!
in love.
amy
January 16th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
When someone wrote that she realized that everytime she fed her children she was feeding Jesus, everytime she cleaned them, held them, taught them…she was doing it to Jesus..this freed me from having to do anything else.
It is hard work and sacrificial to be a Good Mama and no one else can be that for you.
Your a Good Mama for staying with your Baby when she needs you.
Many Blessings
Ace
January 17th, 2010 at 1:21 am
that echo’s how I feel sometimes. I love nursing my baby (even though he is chowing down the solids now too!) and I have often been chided for nursing him too often. There is a connection that has often served as a reminder for me to slow down, breath, and take time to pray and talk to my little one.
January 17th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
What an amazing post! Thank you for sharing!!
January 19th, 2010 at 12:11 am
Thank you! This blessed me today. I went through a time with my last one where I really struggled with these same \baals\. Thank you for putting it into words…it’s giving me courage!
January 20th, 2010 at 5:25 pm
I’ve been thinking about a lot of similar things this week, although the context is a little different. There are so many good things (getting to take part in Bible study, intellectual conversation, ministering to people outside your immediate family), but they can at times get in the way of more important duties. The temptation is always to get out the label gun and mark “intellectual stimulation” (or any of the other things) as a ploy of the self-centered or unspiritual, but the problem is, as you said, not really the activity but simply an issue of timing. I support you 100% in comforting your babe when she isn’t feeling well, but I also think it’s important to continue to place a value on our own growth as appropriate. I think too often we get caught up in trying to label an issue good or bad, when it’s really more a question of timing.
January 20th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
Thank you. The Lord worked through you today, to remind me and encourage me in my life with 2 little ones (22 month old and 4 month old). I wanted to ask your permission to copy this entry and email it to a few friends. I will, of course, quote you and post your blog. Would that be alright? I won’t do so until I get a green light from you
Blessings! Your blog has been a wonderful ministry to me – although this is the first time I’ve commented. (I found yours through \Pearls and Diamonds\ http://www.pearlsanddiamonds.wordpress.com).
January 20th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
I so needed to hear this today. As of late, I keep hearing more of the side of “you deserve a break, adult conversation, blah blah blah”…not that that is wrong or anything, but you made it clear what we truly need. I’ll be sending my few readers over to you for this post for sure!
January 21st, 2010 at 9:00 am
Renee,
Thank you so much for your wonderful encouragement! I’m happy for you to share my post as long as the url stays with it, nothing gets changed, and you include a little note asking that if anyone forwards it that they also include the link and don’t make changes.
Blessings!
January 21st, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Thank you for sharing this lovely story and deep insight into motherhood.
I am pryaing the Lord God will bless my husband and I with a little one soon.
Blessings to you and your family in Jesus’ name.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Thank you so much for this precious post. I sat here in awe as I read. I went through something so similar yesterday afternoon as my sweet little 10 month old boy is going through his first cold and wants only mommy. I felt a bit useless as nothing was accomplished in my house. Useless….but my baby boy sure didn’t think so.
Thank you and blessings…..
February 5th, 2010 at 12:12 am
Thank you for this post. I really needed it. My 6 month old boy is struggling to gain weight and I can’t help but think I’ve been a little distracted with other things than caring for him… So your story was both piercing and encouraging.